Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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