He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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