Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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