Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
