Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
