i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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