I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
