grandma shit on top of the toilet
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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