if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
