i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
