ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
