I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
This is the high leading the old right now
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
