i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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