it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize