i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
