I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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