i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
