I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
