I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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