So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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