Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
ok first of all what the fuck
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
