I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
