Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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