I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
i think my cat just said my name.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
