I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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