i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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