I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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