actually, I'm a sock model
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
