never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
