Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
