Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
