my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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