Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
