i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
