I just cut my nipple shaving
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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