My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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