suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
