we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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