Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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