he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You need a sexual gate keeper
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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