If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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