she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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