Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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