some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
