dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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