Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
