So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
