OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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