Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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