so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
