I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
