I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
