finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
