i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize