ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
