True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Who died my cat blue again?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize