well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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