help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Randomize