She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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