I cockslap morals
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
