i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
ugly people sure do ruin things
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
