I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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