Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
