life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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