I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
