dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize