if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
