During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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