we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
